Tuesday, January 19, 2010

To: Pat / From: Satan

By Frank James
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune published a letter from Satan to evangelist Pat Robertson, responding to his comment that Haiti's persistent troubles, including the earthquake, are due to a pact the nation made with Mephistopheles.
Actually, it wasn't Satan who wrote the letter but Lilly Coyle of Minneapolis writing in the persona of the hellish one.
I think she got it down pretty well. What say you?

Dear Pat Robertson,
I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I'm all over that action.
But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I'm no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished.
Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth -- glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven't you seen "Crossroads"? Or "Damn Yankees"?
If I had a thing going with Haiti, there'd be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox -- that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it -- I'm just saying: Not how I roll.

You're doing great work, Pat, and I don't want to clip your wings -- just, come on, you're making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That's working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.
Best, Satan


~Joseph the Worker said...

Pretty good. Does Robertson subscribe to the prosperity gospel crap like Joel Olsteen and TD Banks?

jugglingpaynes said...

I've read this letter a couple of times this week. It always makes me chuckle! I thought it made some great points!

Peace and Laughter,

Abbey said...

I heard glips about the "Pat Robertson" something-or-other but didn't know the substance. Thanks for posting this. The letter was so well-written and logical. I do not know 'WHY' this happened to the Haitian people, only God knows, but I do know that there is purpose in everything, good purpose, and that God will use this to change the lives of many.

Soutenus said...

Joseph the Worker, right or wrong I tend to put many tv, born-again, protestant, evangelicals in the same category . . . . Pat Robertson, Jimmy Swaggert, Jerry Falwell and PTL Club's Tammy Faye & Jim Bakker. I know, for sure, that the PTL Club (Bakkers) espoused that belief. Not sure on the others.

I have thought a lot about this letter. I almost did not post it because I did not want to be so self-righteous or opinionated as to assume I know why this did or did not happen.
But, in the end, it was the humor that motivated me. Well, that, and the obvious warning to us (here in affluent America) to BEWARE of the devil's ways and traps.

Yep, it was the "chuckling" part that motivated me to share! :-)

Abbey, I know this disaster gives us a chance to do something to help. I think that turning our focus to others in an effort to help is a huge way to start changing lives for the better.

Thanks for the comments, you guys. And, thanks for stopping by!

bridget {bake at 350} said...

Love this!

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