Little Johnny Mac

Friends of mine lost their baby this past week. I would like to share my friend's blog entry. Please keep Jack and Jessica in your prayers.
After you read this (if you are so inclined) you may also read on to learn how to help these young parents with hospital/medical bills.
I have read this entree 3 times and I cannot finish without sobbing . . . praising God and wanting to be a better Christian.

October 28, 2009 (morning)

You all probably think I’m nuts for being on here now... but this blog has been such a source of comfort and sense-making for us throughout this time in our lives that I hope in my heart it will continue to provide clarity to write and share our story with you.

While I’m not ready to share any “details,” just know LJ was safe in his parents’ arms when he went to be with the Lord. A great friend yesterday painted that sweet picture for us - that our son went right from our arms into the loving arms of Jesus. And what better, more amazing place to be raised than in the indescribable beauty of heaven?

I pray you will never know the loss of a child. It is so many emotions and questions and details and unthinkable decisions wrapped up into a tangled mess of thoughts. I wish someone could just scoop some of the yucky ones out of my brain to make room for the ones I want to keep - like the ritualistic “lobotomy” of a Halloween jack-o-lantern. Leave in there the images, memories, sounds, ideas I want to hold onto forever. That’s why I chose to write this morning.

I know there may be people out there that are confused - that we prayed as one body, we petitioned the Lord for LJ’s health and strength, and his little body gave out anyway. That is one way to live our faith... but what I’ve found is that this kind of faith is only half-hearted and misdirected. How can we in our limited human capacity place a limit on God? How can we place parameters on him? He is greater, more infinite, more expansive, more powerful than we could ever understand. In the midst of a heartbreak such as this, God is still God... even when we don’t understand Him.

My heart is broken today. I feel the most profound and indescribable sadness. But again I remember that God is still God and He loves me more than I could ever write or sing or say. His heart hurts when mine does, which means it’s ripped in two right now. After all, He knows first-hand what it is like to watch a child slip away. Just like ours, His child was blameless and pure. The only difference is that God’s son was sent to save the whole world.

I beg of you - if you have not experienced the life-changing power of the Lord in your heart, please know how much He loves you and cares for you and longs for you to walk with Him. He created you to love Him back. There is a void in our hearts where only our faith in Him can belong. We are not put on this earth to float along like a feather. We ar e put here to serve a purpose - to glorify God’s creation through our earthly hands and feet. I know we won’t ever know the full extent of LJ’s purpose, but what I do know is that every moment of his short sweet life was spent glorifying God through his strength and his story. I am more proud of my son than I could ever describe. His life is an inspiration to me to make mine count - to live my life in a way that God is glorified through my words, my actions, my relationships.

I hope you’ll continue to share in our story. There is something special happening here.

This is my prayer in the battle - when triumph is still on the way.

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DONATIONS

We have heard from a lot of our friends and family about helping us with our medical expenses, funeral costs, and flowers and we are so thankful for the help and sup port.

We do not know what our medical expenses will be, but if you would like to donate, a very good friend of ours has set up an account at Bank of America for people that would like to help us out. Donations can be mailed to:

Joe Michels

24 Waterway Ave., Suite 500

The Woodlands, TX 77380

Please make checks payable to John Allen or Jessica Allen

We have also set up a site for our friends and family to donate to the March of Dimes. We would prefer that people donate in lieu of sending flowers for L.J.’s memorial service. The link to donate to the March of Dimes in L.J.’s name is:

http://www.marchofdimes.com/prematurity/b_new.asp?band_id=511 87

For all of those who choose to donate to our medical expense fund, when we are finished paying our medical expenses, we will donate all of the remaining money to the March of Dimes and the Ronald McDonald House at Children’s Memorial Hermann Hospital.

Please read Jessica’s entry from today. I feel bad that this post was put at the top because her message is so beautiful.