I find that, more and more, children are drawing the unfortunate conclusion that when boys and girls like each other they must be labeled boyfriend and girlfriend. What is really discouraging is that this is often the result of the encouragement and prodding of adults who think it is “cute.”
It is also disheartening that this leads to kids who never do learn to have that wonderful, rare and precious thing -- a friend who is the opposite gender.
I have seen this happen so many times – even with children as young as 3 & 4 years old. I just do not get it . . . . What is so cute about attributing romantic adult characteristics to our children's innocent and purely loving friendships?
Just yesterday a neighbor told me (in front of her 5 year old Austin),
“Oh yes, Austin has a little girlfriend in class! It's so cute. They are going to the movies together on Saturday. Her Mom and I worked out a play date. He thinks she is beautiful!”
I'm sorry but I wanted to throw up. I opted for the “totally ignore the connotations and respond as if I am oblivious” response.
I think I said something like, “Isn't that great that Austin has such a good friend in kindergarten. Going to the movies is always fun, the more the merrier...are you inviting any of the neighborhood kids?”
Rude? Maybe...but it stopped me from preaching at her and I am sure that would have just made her mad and made me look like some “know-it-all” because of my strong opinion in this matter.
I have noticed that many times the same parents who wring their hands over promiscuous teenagers and teens who have "serious" romantic relationships are often the same ones who encourage puppy love in kindergarten.
6 comments:
Oh my goodness! I do so agree with you my friend! I insist on my girl waiting until 16 to go out on dates. There were so many classmates going at at the tender age of 10! I made sure my girl understood that friendship and understanding must come first. Then with maturity the boyfriend/girlfriend can develop! I praise you for holding your tongue, for I do not know if I could have been so generous!
Soutenus: you are so right on with this post! If only parents could see that befriending across gender lines is a great gift for children - and that "romanticizing" this experience drains it of its true beauty and potential.
So true!
My daughter has been buddies with the boy next door (same age) for 8 years, since they were both 3. It's a great thing for both of them. I'm really glad that they have had each other, and that there hasn't been that "girlfriend/boyfriend" pressure.
So glad there are others out there who concur. I am definitely in the minority in my neighborhood.
What is the saying?
"What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right."
Maybe you get the gist of what I am trying to express if you exchange the word "right" for the phrase, "best for our children."
What is best for our children is not always popular and what is popular is not always best for our children.
I think you touch on the sexualization of our children at younger and younger ages. Great post!
I think I started cringing when people started calling them playdates. What happened to just getting together to play?
Many parents take too much of an interest in their children's lives. They plan so much of their children's day that the creative spontaneity of childhood seems to be disappearing. Too many kids are seeing playtime as passive. They demand entertainment rather than finding ways to entertain themselves. I think parents' idea of "playing" is very confusing for kids.
When I was in high school, most of my friends were boys. I don't recall anyone ever saying I had lots of boyfriends.(In fact, I never dated until after high school.) I believe these friendships helped make it easier for me to look for something special in a husband. I've been married to my best friend for almost 17 years.
Great food for thought!
Peace and Laughter,
Cristina
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